Well, I had been doing significantly better since my last post but the last two mornings I've once again woken up with what feels like a hand squeezing my heart. I cannot even begin to describe how I hate this feeling.
I know the obvious thing to say is that I'm still grieving...which I certainly am...but I think the additional stresses in my life are compounding the grief. I don't live in a vacuum.
So again I'm writing. I just really have no direction today. I'm sick of whining about being sad and lonely and stressed out. But that is how I feel. The tiniest thing can cause my anxiety level to go through the roof. And as much as I've given myself permission to "feel my feelings" I really wish I wasn't feeling so much right now.
What I do know is that these feelings will pass. Maybe in 5 minutes, maybe in an hour. As a general rule I no longer have the all-day anxiety of previous weeks. Mornings are just hard. Always have been. If I can get my day moving along, these feelings will probably go away. It's just a really crappy way to start the day.
That's it for today. No major complaints or celebrations. Just reporting in. Just trying to do something to help myself. And maybe some other people too. Your feedback has been wonderful. Until the next time....