Well, I had been doing significantly better since my last post but the last two mornings I've once again woken up with what feels like a hand squeezing my heart. I cannot even begin to describe how I hate this feeling.
I know the obvious thing to say is that I'm still grieving...which I certainly am...but I think the additional stresses in my life are compounding the grief. I don't live in a vacuum.
So again I'm writing. I just really have no direction today. I'm sick of whining about being sad and lonely and stressed out. But that is how I feel. The tiniest thing can cause my anxiety level to go through the roof. And as much as I've given myself permission to "feel my feelings" I really wish I wasn't feeling so much right now.
What I do know is that these feelings will pass. Maybe in 5 minutes, maybe in an hour. As a general rule I no longer have the all-day anxiety of previous weeks. Mornings are just hard. Always have been. If I can get my day moving along, these feelings will probably go away. It's just a really crappy way to start the day.
That's it for today. No major complaints or celebrations. Just reporting in. Just trying to do something to help myself. And maybe some other people too. Your feedback has been wonderful. Until the next time....
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I just passed the 6 month mark with the loss of my dad. I have been going to therapy for about 6 weeks. Not only have I noticed a difference, but my boyfriend and mom have noticed a positive swing as well. It could be time, or the therapy, but I know that it does get easier. I feel a million times better than I did at 4 months (my breakdown period). I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.
ReplyDeleteMarcy, I believe this will pass. Try listening to audio books by authors like, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, Brian Tracy and Jim Rohn. They have an amazing way of helping people get through some of the challenges in life by relating to what we are going through. Your not the 1st and won't be the last going through this kind of thing. Thank God for all that you have and for the time you have had with your mother and the awesome family you have.
ReplyDeleteNights were always worse for me than mornings. I could never turn my brain off. But, trust that things will get easier with time. I know it seems impossible right now, but the adage "time heals all wounds" really is true. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteHoping that your mornings, and days, will continue to improve, and that some day, before too long, you'll be able to think of your mom and smile at the memory.
ReplyDelete